Nothing to become. Just be

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I used to think the work was to become.

A better man.
A kinder partner.
A more successful version of me.

But now I see: that story was never real.
And the chase was never mine.

⸻

This weekend, my parents celebrate fifty years of marriage.
And the city celebrates Pride.

Two very different expressions of commitment.
But both anchored in the same truth:

It’s something you return to when you’ve stopped pretending.

⸻

For years, I tried to earn my own wholeness.
Through success. Through service.
Even through love.

I stayed too long in corporate jobs.
I left too quickly from a marriage.
I rushed, and I waited.
I got lost. I went in circles.
Then I blamed myself for all of it.

But here’s what I see now:
Even the “wrong” timing was perfect.
Not because it felt good... far from it!
But because it broke the illusion that
I could engineer my becoming.

I wasn’t supposed to get it "right".
I was to stop trying to become something I wasn't.

⸻

The problem is not that we’re broken.
The problem is we are taught we need to become whole.

We are taught that love, peace, and freedom are destinations.
That the true self is a far-off version...
waiting in the future with better habits and fewer wounds.

We swallowed that story so young
that even healing became another performance.
An ode. To trauma's tentacles.

But what if there was never anything to become?
What if who you are… was never lost?

⸻

This is the shift that changes everything:
You don’t have to earn your way back to yourself.
You only have to drop the version that was never you.

Not slowly.
Not after ten years of inner work.

Now.

Like breath.
Like gravity.
Like silence.
Present. Whole. Peaceful.

⸻

So let me ask you gently:
What are you still trying to become?

A better parent?
A more confident founder?
A less reactive partner?
A perfect human?

Can you feel how even those noble efforts begin from the assumption that something is missing?

They were never wrong.
Just not necessary.

⸻

We automatically assume life's question is:
​“Can you stay long enough to become?”

We never stop to consider its opposite:

Can you stop fixing your way forward...
and simply be the one who was here before the story?

That presence.
That stillness.
That quiet enough-ness.

Not a future version of you.
The one now who sees through all versions.

⸻

Pause and reflect:

What would remain…
if you let the idea of becoming dissolve?

⸻

A gentle dare:

This weekend, celebrate something radical:
Rejoice in how close you already are.

To truth.
To love.
To home.

There’s nowhere else to get to.
Just this.
Just now.
Just you, without the becoming.

With love,
Zaheer

P.S. If you missed last week's letter, read it here: You're not broken. You're being broken​

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