A letter from Zaheer: What's your earliest memory of You?
Published 2 months ago • 2 min read
A Letter from Zaheer
What's your earliest memory of You?
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I remember it clearly. Pain, sharp and intense. I looked down at my right knee. A red river gushing from a cut that would heal, but I was scarred forever. My leg was stuck between two metal pipes. I screamed. That's it. My first memory of me.
Me on my way to the rooftop
When my parents recall this story, they tell me I was with my ayah (nanny), Hannah. I have a faint recollection of her. They show me pictures of a 3rd floor flat above a small shopping plaza. I barely remember it. And I, aged 2, was exploring the rooftop with Hannah. Their heads shake rhythmically from wonder to disapproval.
In recent years, I've asked family, friends and colleagues to recount their earliest memory of themselves. Prompted by curiosity to see what they remember. Guided by clues left for us to find.
Sometimes they're joyful memories, sometimes painful. Most often they're with family. No alien dropoffs or abductions, yet.
But, there's something strange in a way. No one has ever recalled their time in the womb, moment of birth, nor anything prior to the age of about 2 years old. Once in a while they try to reach beyond, convinced that if they try harder, they'll recall such a time... but their eyes reveal the sparkle of imagination.
Pause and reflect for a minute...
What's your earliest memory?
The reason I ask this question is because it's important. The question, not the answer. I think it's a vital clue in the journey to understand ourselves and our place in the universe.
Most of us live our lives pushed by who we've been and pulled by who we want to become.
We give so much weight to memory (accomplishments and failures) and imagination (goals and desires) to guide our sense of who we are, but are they faithful guides?
Let's start with what each of us knows only through direct experience. This is your truth to investigate.
If our earliest memory occurs around the age of 2, what about all the events prior to that age? Why is there no memory of them? You existed. Right.
And it's not just reaching back for our earliest memories. You'll notice big gaps too, given a little prompting: → What were you doing a week ago at this exact time? → Yesterday at 1:17pm?
As I started to explore this for myself several years back, I realized that there were many such memory gaps in my life. In fact, there are more gaps than there are memories. But, gap or not, I existed in all those times.
Which led to this inescapable conclusion. There are two things at play here:
Who you think You are, based on memory and imagination, starting age 2.
Who You truly are, beyond and behind them both.
For most of us living busy lives in the modern world, our attention is fixed on (1) and we're mostly unaware of (2).
Our idea of who we think are is constantly changing, never stable. It is a moment-to-moment reconstruction based on our habitual reactions to events and stimuli in our environment. Driven by memory, guided by imagination.
It is the sense of self with which we're most familiar.
Who you truly are... well, that's something only you can find out.
Not because I'm trying to play coy.
I ask you to explore this for yourself because you cannot just accept the word of another about who you are. That's what we've all been doing until now.
At best, you can accept their pointers with faith, until your conviction confirms the truth.
Till next time.
With love, Zaheer
P.s., Please reply and let me know what you thought of this letter. I appreciate candid feedback. No rush.
