A Letter from Zaheer

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Whose Approval Are You Waiting For? (And Why It Holds You Back)

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Approval is a cage dressed as a safety net — and you've got the key.

I’ve spent much of my life quietly waiting for permission. Yet, also afraid of irrelevance.

Approval from family, nods from colleagues, praise from mentors. A green glow on the wealthmeter. Quietly but persistently, I'd outsourced my joy to external checkboxes, trading applause for authenticity.

It felt safe. It felt known. But, it was subtly creating a straitjacket for my sense of self.

Society teaches us early: success is about fitting in. We're given blueprints for success — achievements, titles, wealth — building our identities brick-by-brick with other people's opinions.
Yet, there's a hidden price: we lose touch with what actually lights us up, what sparks quiet joy when nobody’s watching.

The tighter you cling to approval, the quieter your soul becomes.

Shortly before my 45th birthday, I was at a 5-day retreat at Grail Springs in Bancroft when I realized what I had let mute my voice.

Often, it’s not loud applause we seek, but quiet nods — the approvals we barely notice, yet deeply shape our choices. We delay starting the business we've always dreamed of, postpone creative projects, suppress our true opinions, awaiting that subtle nod.

"When I..., then I'll..."

I wondered, "Who would I be and what would I do, if I let my soul sing, now?"

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Pause and reflect for a minute...

Whose quiet approval are you still waiting on before truly showing up as yourself?

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I came back from that retreat a changed person. During those five days, away from roles, titles, and external pressures, I saw clearly how much of my joy was tangled in seeking subtle approval.

In the detox I discovered something unexpected in the quiet spaces between my thoughts... when I had "permission" to drop what I was "supposed" to do, and explore whatever I wanted.

I found joy where I wandered naturally — coaching, writing, exploring, being fully present with loved ones.
Moments that didn't neatly fit old ideas of success, yet quietly nourished a deeper fulfillment.

Then came the natural echo of singing my soul's song: the quiet joy I discovered inspired others, too. People began reaching out after encountering my writing, podcasts, or videos.

My expression sparked quiet revolutions, rippling outward in ways no spreadsheet or title could predict.

It struck me clearly: approval isn't the reflection of authenticity. Joy is. Clarity is. Presence is.

Approval merely cages us, subtly replacing fulfillment with obligation. When we step beyond those cages, joy flows naturally... like gravity gently guiding mountain streams toward the vastness of the sea.

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Pause and reflect for a minute...

Where does your mind wander when left unguarded?

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Notice carefully. Attention is your instrument. Your natural curiosity, quiet joy, and peaceful clarity are clues... they're whispers pointing toward your true path.

We think we need permission, yet the key to freedom has always been within us.

Nature doesn't bargain for permission:

• A river doesn't wait for authorization to carve its path: it trusts gravity.
• The tree doesn't seek approval to stretch toward sunlight; it follows the call of the sun.
• A butterfly doesn't need applause to leave its cocoon — it's carried by the silent rhythm of its wings.

Nature seeks nothing.
It simply expresses what's true.
Can you?

For decades I bulked up on a feast of external validation. Ripped on the outside, hollow on the inside.
Now, I know better.

I follow my inner compass.
I choose genuine connection rather than competition.
I nourish curiosity instead of fear, questions instead of certainty, quiet presence instead of loud performance.

You don't need permission to follow what genuinely lights you up. You never did. You only need the quiet courage to trust what your inner voice whispers when you drop the world's noise.

Now that you’re aware of these subtle clues, deepen your discovery with this simple practice:

• Take five minutes each day to notice where you naturally wander when left unguarded.
• Don't judge. Don’t analyze. Just gently observe.
• Write down any hints of joy or curiosity — these are clues waiting for your recognition and attention.

We have always been free... we've simply been looking the wrong way.

Trust your quiet inner whisper,
Zaheer

P.S. Have a quiet joy you're ready to explore further? Hit reply, I'd love to hear.
​P.P.S. If you missed my letter from last week, read it here: How do you measure growth?​